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Archive for February, 2009

So I went to my male alpha male’s work the other day, and there was a poodle there named Pearl. “Just my size!” I thought, and tried to get her to play. Well… she didn’t want any part of that. Nope, that saucy minx just kept growling and saying something about John Connor. What a bitch!

 

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I was scrounging for crumbs the other night, and found myself back-assed into another dimension where dogs are a little, shall we say, “different-looking”… Yikes!

 

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I know that title sounds lame – like some Stuart Smalley mirror-side affirmation. But it’s true. Chances are that one day you find this simply scintillating sketch drawing of my likeness at Sotheby’s. Let the bidding start at 1 MILLION(!!!!!!!!) dollars.

 

 

...I'm handsome enough and doggone it, people like me!

...I'm handsome enough and doggone it, people like me!

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Today is President’s Day, and in my honest opinion, it should be celebrated. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to work today. My boss can take his “mush mush!” and shove it! Haha just kidding – I don’t have a job. Unless you count the 3rd shift at the gas station cleaning the hot dog cooker, but that’s just for a little extra spending cash.

Anyways, President’s Day is pretty cool. Especially now that we have Obama as our president. You see, he’s part white/part black, and things that are white and black are pretty awesome. I think you know where I’m going with this…

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‘Nuff said.

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It’s the attack of the giant off-duty-Vegas-show-dancer children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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Since I’ve gotten (*gulp*) “lopped,” thousands of well-wishing letters have poured in from around the globe. I loved them all (except the mean one from the cat)!! Here are a few of my favorites:

 

Hi Bisket,

I’m so sorry to hear about your neutering. I just wanted to wish you a speedy recovery. If you need anything (maybe some cheese??), please let me know – I’m always there for you.

Love,
Sara-Jo K., MPLS, MN

 

Bisket,

I was shocked to read about your recent neutering. I have a lot of experience with surgical procedures. Just look at my hair plugs. Do you think those felt good to put in??? No sir! Regardless, I wish you a speedy recovery, and hope you and your family have a blessed and safe 2009. Oh, and support to stimulus package. (No, that’s not some sort of sick neutering joke).

God Bless America,
Vice President Joe Biden

 

Bisket,

I know what it’s like to be neutered. It’s not fun, but it’s for the best. Sometimes you’ve just gotta take one (or two!) for the team. Just think of what this could do for your career! If I hadn’t been chopped, I would’ve never made it into the hearts of Americans across the country (Kelsey Grammar fired the dog before me because it kept peeing on his snakeskin boots).

All the best,
That dog from the hit TV show Frasier 

 

Dear Bisket,

You are such a hero to us. Mrs. Jones reads us your blog every day between recess and math class. It makes us happy. One day, we made puppets of you out of old socks and buttons. Then we made a picture of you using black and white construction paper. We are sorry to hear about your testicle (whatever that is). We hope you are feeling better! We love you!

Love,
Mrs. Jones and her Third Grade Class, Philadelphia, PA

 

Almighty Bisket,

You are very great. And the people of my village are humbled by your power and heroic act of neutering. Please give us a bountiful harvest, and many rains to moisten the parched earth. We have made a sacrifice of many sausages in your name. You are the greatest god of all!

By the power of Zeus!
Odessius III, Ancient Greece

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Sorry about that last post. I was feeling a little woozy… FROM THE DRUGS THEY GAVE ME WHEN THEY BLINDSIDED ME WITH A NEUTERING!!!!!

Seriously, I wasn’t supposed to be neutered until next week. But it all went down this past Tuesday. I go into this nice little office and meet a sweet little old man vet… then before I know it I’m waking up in a cage with no testicles. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So I got on the phone and called my lawyer, who reminded me that I don’t have a lawyer. So I just sat there feeling sorry for myself in that little, lonely, steel cage. I was a sad pup. A sad pup indeed.

But then eventually the alphas came and busted me right out of there! Oh was I happy to see their little faces. However, I got specific instructions to calm myself down because I need healing rest. Well, doc, you’ve got a lot of nerve telling me to calm down after what happened to me. You can’t cramp my style twice in one day (if you know what I mean!). After all, I was born to run, jump, lick, and do the robot dance. But eventually I agreed to just chill out.

Yeah, that lasted about 2 seconds…

 

Now that's my idea of healing!

Now that's my idea of healing!

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