I wonder if cats take dognaps?
Archive for the ‘Cats’ Category
I’m all talk. This is a blog, after all! And that means that no matter how much I trash-talk cats, I would never hurta real one. But once a fake one steps on my turf, it’s on, baby – IT’S ON!!!!
This is Mr. Mittens. Or “Monsieur Mittens” as he likes to be called. He’s got a French accent, a French attitude and a penchant for, well, just acting French! So I put him back in his place whenever he acts up. Case in point:
Hahaha I kid, I kid. Mittens and I are best friends – and he makes a mean mayonnaise. More adventures on the way??? Could be!
Well, it’s raining cats and dogs here in Minneapolis. (Nice to see the cats actually doing something – albeit falling from the sky) I’m chillin’ kennelside with nothing to do but chew an old knucklebone and miss the sun.
Ahh, sunshine. I love to stick my face in it! When the alphas get home from lunch, I give them the obligatory jump on the leg and then I’m out the door and into the sweet sweet rays of Mr. Samuel Sun. (Yes, the sun has a first name. And yes, it is Samuel)
Picture me rollin’ (in sunshine):
Ok so it’s been a LOOOONG time since I’ve written last. What happened?? I have no excuse. But just look at my little face and tell me you’re mad – I dare you!
Anyways, it’s raining dogs and dogs today. Which means I’ve held my poo all day. Right now, it’s 10:06 PM and I have to go super bad. But I am NOT going out in that rain. I hate how it feels like a bunch of pins and needles on my little head and in my ears. (By the way, where did the saying “pins and needles” come from? Has anyone ever had a ton of pins and needles held up against their hands or feet?? How do they know that a pink stuffed elephant wearing ruby slippers doesn’t feel like cold June rain, or a sleeping limb? Sheesh.) The alphas say I have to “do a 2” before bed. I’m not looking forward to it.
Did you know I have a new little cousin?? Yup, Auntie Rhonda had her litter of one. Her name is Aubrey. I’ll place her in the category of cousins I love: Aubrey and Phoebe. I can’t wait until those two grow up a little bit – then I’ll be able to lick food off their dirty little kiddie faces. YUM!
The way I see it, I have 3 purposes in life:
- To entertain you.
- To educate you.
- To eventually break into the refrigerator and eat my way through a sea of potatoes, cheese, and leftover chicken salad.
We both know that I am fully capable of entertaining you. But do we both know that I can also educate you??? One of us does.
See, I don’t want to be seen as just another pretty irresistibly cute and stunningly dashing face. I want to be known for my brain too! So I’m starting a new segment:
“Bisket is… Mr. Smarty NoPants”
For each segment, I will educate you with a kernel of my infinite puppy knowledge. Sound good? I knew you’d think so.
So now, I present to you my first installment of…
BISKET IS… MR. SMARTY NoPANTS
Did you know (probably not) that cats caused The Great Depression? 1928 was a tough year for dogs. More and more people were getting cats as pets. Dogs were kicked to the curb. They tried to reason, but the cat union said, “We will poo in a box.” And the people were convinced.
In 1929, the stock market went in the crapper – this was known as “The Great Recession.” People got down on their luck and needed some cheering up at home. They expected their cats to cheer them up. But the cats hid under the couch, or in the cupboard and wouldn’t come out. They provided no happiness – no happiness whatsoever. Not even a wag of the tail or a welcome home greeting (they did occasionally claw a table leg). So the people got sadder… and sadder… and sadder. And this turned The Great Recession into The Great Depression.
Luckily, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt (a president with 3 great dog names as his real name) created the New Deal. It provided emergency relief for the people – most notably throwing parachuted puppies from airplanes on Christmas Eve. “A pup to pick you up,” FDR promised. The dogs floated safely to the ground, wagging their tails and licking the faces of all Americans (who didn’t even mind the puppy breath!). The people were happy, their spirits soared, and the economy boomed.