Archive for the ‘Mr. Smarty NoPants’ Category

Why wear pants if you’re going to poop them?? When it comes to that, we pooches are definitely ahead of the curve.


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Ok pooches and poochettes, here’s the deal… I know I haven’t been the best at keeping up the blog lately. Like I said, I’ve been grounded for putting my little shnoz toe-deep in a skimmer and chewing. (So sue me!) But thousands of you have emailed/called/texted/carrier-pigeoned/burning-bacon-grease-signaled (that’s the best kind!), telling me to get off my tailless ass and snap to it.

And it got me thinking – I need to be better about staying in touch with my fans. So I’m starting a twitter feed. I know, I know – tweets are for birds, not dogs. But since barker.com is not up yet, I’ll have to settle for twitter. All I can say is that I never would have agreed to do it if it was called squirreler.com. Because I HATE squirrels. (I always feel like that fat one is watching me in the backyard and it creeps me out.)

Anyways, for those of you who don’t know what Twitter is – it is a website that lets me update you on what I’m doing all day long. If I’m chewing a bone, I’ll tell you about it. If I’m plunging my face into kibble, that’s what I’ll say. If I’m tearing up a nice, soft, supple pair of Ferragamo loafers, I’ll write “sleeping.”

Click here for my Twitter page.

If you sign up for Twitter, you can choose to “follow” me, and my updates will show up on your feed automatically. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to make like a dog, and tweet.

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I wish to entertain you.

I wish to entertain you.

The way I see it, I have 3 purposes in life:

  1. To entertain you.
  2. To educate you.
  3. To eventually break into the refrigerator and eat my way through a sea of potatoes, cheese, and leftover chicken salad.

We both know that I am fully capable of entertaining you. But do we both know that I can also educate you??? One of us does.

See, I don’t want to be seen as just another pretty irresistibly cute and stunningly dashing face. I want to be known for my brain too! So I’m starting a new segment:

“Bisket is… Mr. Smarty NoPants”

For each segment, I will educate you with a kernel of my infinite puppy knowledge. Sound good? I knew you’d think so.

So now, I present to you my first installment of…


Category: History

Greatly Depressing

Cats: Greatly Depressing


Did you know (probably not) that cats caused The Great Depression? 1928 was a tough year for dogs. More and more people were getting cats as pets. Dogs were kicked to the curb. They tried to reason, but the cat union said, “We will poo in a box.” And the people were convinced.

In 1929, the stock market went in the crapper – this was known as “The Great Recession.” People got down on their luck and needed some cheering up at home. They expected their cats to cheer them up. But the cats hid under the couch, or in the cupboard and wouldn’t come out. They provided no happiness – no happiness whatsoever. Not even a wag of the tail or a welcome home greeting (they did occasionally claw a table leg). So the people got sadder… and sadder… and sadder. And this turned The Great Recession into The Great Depression.

Luckily, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt (a president with 3 great dog names as his real name) created the New Deal. It provided emergency relief for the people – most notably throwing parachuted puppies from airplanes on Christmas Eve. “A pup to pick you up,” FDR promised. The dogs floated safely to the ground, wagging their tails and licking the faces of all Americans (who didn’t even mind the puppy breath!). The people were happy, their spirits soared, and the economy boomed.

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