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Archive for the ‘Chris Mas’ Category

If you wish Happy New Year to a dog, do you have to say it 7 times?

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Yup, I have returned from my sojourn to the magical land of North Dakota! It feels good to be home – sleeping in my own bed and pooping on my own lawn. But that’s not to say that I didn’t have a great time this Chris Mas… because it was AWESOME.

First things first. I got to meet my cousin Buford. That dog is HUGE! Here’s a video of us meeting for the first time:

 

 

Haha just kidding. But seriously, Buford’s pretty big. After we made sure that I wasn’t going to kick his ass, we were allowed to play together. As you can see, I still kicked his ass!

 

 

Bufordisaurus Rex

Bufordisaurus Rex

 

I had a blast with Buford. He showed me around the farm and I even let him chase me around the house until gran-alpha Brenda put the kabosh on that. I’ll tell ya – I miss that dog already… what a great pooch.

 

 

I got a new friend for Chris Mas

I got a new friend for Chris Mas

 

Besides the adventures of Detective Bisket and Deputy Buford, things went great for the Holidays. I got to open my gifts – which sadly did not include any refrigerator-breaching devices. But I did get an awesome new toy raccoon! I also got a tummy ache because I ate a crapload of treats. It was all good till I yakked all over the rug. But man was it good going down!

Anyways, here’s some pics to tide you over. Enjoy your New Year’s Eve Eve!

 

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I got boots! But it's a love/hate relationship.

I got boots! But it's a love/hate relationship.

 

This photo is going on the back of my first novel.

This photo is going on the back of my first novel.

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MERRY CHRIS MAS!!

MERRY CHRIS MAS!! Love, Me

I’m off to the farm. I know what you’re thinking: “That’s exactly what Dad told us when he gave away our pet rabbit!” But you’re WRONG! Plus, that rabbit was nothing but trouble, I’m sure – chewing up all the kid’s Nintendo cords or something like that (I’m making this whole thing up). But… I digress.

Anyways, I’m seriously off to a farm in the middle of North Dakota. This will be the 5th state I’ve been to in my 7 months (Wisconsin, Minnesota, North Dakota, Illinois, Confusion), and I’m pumped! I get to meet my cousin Buford, who’s a huge yellow lab with paws the size of frying pans. I’m not intimidated. Does he have a blog? That’s what I thought.

And since I’ll be so far away from society, I might not be able to keep you up to date on my life (I’m not even sure they’ve invented toys out there! Hmmmmm… I’ll bring my own). I know you might not be able to make it though your days not knowing what I’m up to, who I saw on Springer, and if I’ve been able to poo in the cold or not. It’ll make your days far more pedestrian, and for that… I’m sorry.

But I shall return! Mark my words, I’ll be back. Until then, my friends, I wish you a very Merry Chris Mas. Or, as my culture says: “Wag wag sniff bark growl wag.”

Smell you in the new year!

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Check it out. These are MY gifts. Nice little stockpile, if I don’t say so myself. And pretty impressive for a pooch with only 7 months of life under his collar.

Boom!

Boom!

 

Here’s my guesses:

Long one on the left: A new leash?? My second guess is… a butter knife full of peanut butter.

Flat one in the front: Peanuts DVD?? Oh man, I love Snoopy. Especially when he turns into the Red Baron. I’ve got his posters all over my kennel. Pleeeeeeeaaaase let it be a Peanuts DVD.

Sort of long one on the right: I have no idea. A tiny, rolled-up, doggie-sized smoking jacket, matching slippers, and miniature bag of pipe tobacco??

That big one in the back: totally a ham. My guess is that the alphas are feeling the guilt when it comes to not giving me table scraps. A ham should even it out. (Feels pretty light for a ham though… hmmmmmmm)

Rectangular-looking one on the right: box of drill bits. You know, the kind that might maybe perhaps sort of kinda, oh I don’t know, drill through a refrigerator door.

Little guy: tiny stick of dynamite. You know, the kind that might maybe perhaps sort of kinda, oh I don’t know, BLOW OFF A REFRIGERATOR DOOR!

I love Chris Mas.

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I had big plans for this weekend. BIG plans! Remember? We were supposed to pass the knucklebone around; spend some quality face-lickin’ time together. But then someone ruined it: Chris Mas. What a jerk.

Let me explain. Yesterday, the alphas went out to do some “Chris Mas shopping.” Now I don’t know what’s wrong with this Chris Mas character. Why can’t he do his own shopping?? Sounds like some lazy, cookie-eatin’, fat man to me. But nevertheless, I got relegated to the kennel. I tried to cheer myself up by licking my own face, but that was just weird.

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Anyways, after a a few hours (seemed like dog years) of bumming around feeling sorry for myself, the alphas came back. I was about to bring the Wrath of Bisket… but then they gave me a gift. It was a super-soft, ridiculously-awesome bed! I totally needed one of those. Especially since I whizzed all over the other one. I set it up my new one right by the heater, scattered a few toys, and passed heck out. Heaven!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a few faces to lick…

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Snow is on the ground! It’s great except it turns me into Mister McChillyPaws. So I’d like to add one pair set of paw booties to my Chris Mas list. (Welder’s mask and blowtorch still apply, of course) Are you feeling generous this Holiday season???? (Please look at my cute face before answering) If so, click here!

Anyways, last night my male alpha male, my female alpha male, and myself did some bizarre redecorating. It seemed to me like the behavior of a drunk man:

 

 

Hahahaha but seriously, all these decorations are weird. I mean, a tree??? Does this mean my bathroom is now indoors?

Here’s some pics from last night’s bright, festive, and oddly exciting(!!!) shenanigans:

 

I'm still working on the beard.

Still working on the beard.

If there's one thing I'll never trust, it's fiberoptics!

If there's one thing I'll never trust, it's fiberoptics! Who's with me??!

Was it not bright enough in this room??

Was it not bright enough in this room??

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Chris Mas

Today, someone said “Bisket doesn’t know about Chris Mas.” And they were right. I don’t know anyone named Chris.

However… from what I’ve heard, this Chris Mas thing could work out to my advantage. Let me see if I’ve got this right: so long as I stay cute and don’t bite anybody else (there was a previous umm… incident), this Chris Mas character will bring me gifts. Sweeeeeet!

So Chris Mas, if you’re out there, here’s my list…

– Anything made of rubber
– An extra long leash
– 1 bag of Wellness brand venison flavored dog treats
– 1 blowtorch and welder’s mask (for refrigerator)

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