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RUDY

Things I LOVE about my new puppy sister Rudy:

  1. Endless energy
  2. Bites my neck constantly
  3. Gives me someone to share my toys with
  4. She changes up the ol’ routine

Things I CAN’T STAND about my new puppy sister Rudy:

  1. Endless energy
  2. Bites my neck constantly
  3. Gives me someone to share my toys with
  4. She changes up the ol’ routine

More to come…

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Oh brother!

Guess what?! No, I’m not eating a bean burrito right now. No, I’m not coming over for Thanksgiving. No, my testicles are NOT growing back. Ok, stop guessing! I’ll just tell you.

Tomorrow I’m going to be a brother!

No, not a Shaft kinda brother – a real brother kinda brother. That’s cuz tomorrow night the alphas are bringing home a little girl puppy to keep me company.

Am I scared? No. Am I worried about her eating my food? Yes. Is it frowned upon by law to fall in love with your adopted sister? Yes, probably. Will I do it anyways? That makes 3 yeses.

Bored. Yet handsome.

But here’s the thing: lately I’ve been bored out of my mind! It’s like 6 bazillion below outside which means I don’t go for walks as much and playing outside is pretty hard on my little fraws. (You know, frozen paws – fraws. I thought everyone called them that…)

So I lay around. I bark at the fireplace. I suckle on Mittens. I solve an algorithm. I lay down again. And it’s like 11:30 am. Being bored is so… boring!

Now, I’m gonna have a little sweetie to act all crazy with – and I couldn’t be happier. I’m gonna teach her all the best places to poop, how to do imdoginations and how to make it look like you are sad when all you really want is cheese. Then we’ll run around like crazy dogs and do that move where we jump on the couch, then off the couch, then on the couch, then off the couch, then on the couch, then off the couch, then on the couch, then off the couch, then down the hallway. Life, my friends, will be oh so good!

Can’t wait!

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Yup, it’s been a while since I’ve thoroughly entertained you with some imdoginations. But hey, I’ve been busy – you know, trying to find a couch made entirely of bacon on eBay. There’s gotta be one out there…

Anyways, sit back and enjoy these imdoginations (sorta like impersonations, but for dogs)! Then vote for your favorite.

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Humphrey Bogart…

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Sam Elliott…

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Tom Cruise from A Few Good Men…

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Pretty much everyone from The Great Escape…

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NOW VOTE!

P.S. Sorry about all the dots – WordPress is being a total cat right now.

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I wonder if cats take dognaps?

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This isn’t what it looks like… Ok maybe it’s like 98% of what it looks like. The other 2%? Well, just use your imagination.

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What do you want for that meal? My collection of bacon crumbs? One slightly-suckled stuffed raccoon? No? How about a garbage can full of gold bars? What?… Well I don’t have it here – I actually keep it in a storage facility in Wisconsin. No, seriously! What would I have to gain by making this up?! Now just put the plate on the floor and we’ll drive to Wisconsin later.

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Ok seriously people. Stop.

For years, dogs have gotten a bad rap about humping people’s legs. I realize this has come from years of many dogs actually humping people’s legs, but not all of us are like that. To tell you the truth, the number of legs I’ve humped is probably in single-digits. And I’m proud of that. It shows maturity and self-restraint in a dog.

Point is, people always complain about dogs not being about to control their sexual urges.

Well, judging by the amount of hits and stupid comments this blog has gotten concerning my imdogination of Kate Winslet, I find you humans’ opinion to be rather hypocritical.

Listen – nobody cares how hot you think Kate Winslet is or how much more naked you wish she was. NO ONE CARES. Seriously, I care more about the latest PBS documentary on cats. And all the other normal, self-respecting humans out there care more about, well, whatever humans don’t give a crap about – like “Dancing with the Stars” or something.

So please, stop leaving stupid perverted comments on my blog! Or I’ll come over there and hump your leg.

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