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Archive for the ‘Fans’ Category

Yup, it’s been a while since I’ve thoroughly entertained you with some imdoginations. But hey, I’ve been busy – you know, trying to find a couch made entirely of bacon on eBay. There’s gotta be one out there…

Anyways, sit back and enjoy these imdoginations (sorta like impersonations, but for dogs)! Then vote for your favorite.

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Humphrey Bogart…

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Sam Elliott…

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Tom Cruise from A Few Good Men…

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Pretty much everyone from The Great Escape…

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NOW VOTE!

P.S. Sorry about all the dots – WordPress is being a total cat right now.

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Met a woman today who said she didn’t like dogs. It must be hard to be a robot.

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So check it out: male alpha male took me to his work the other day for something super cool. A doggie photo shoot! Turns out, they’re making some ads for a place called Woody’s Pet Food Deli and needed a few good lookin’ pooches as models. I mean, seriously – who else would you call when you need a good lookin’ pooch??

I practiced a few of my poses and looks at home before the shoot: The Pant. The Puppy Eye. The Friendly Pup. The Scholarly Pooch. The Lazy Susan. Things were looking good. But when I got there, there were like 3 other dogs and I got super excited… and I pooped. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I got stage fright! Would this ruin my chance of being famous?? Would this crush my dreams of money, success, and moist delicious dog food eaten out of a crystal dish???

Nope! I got in there and popped a few good poses off before getting distracted by a rope toy. My male alpha male said I coulda behaved a little better, but you can’t expect me to hold still when there’s dogs and toys around that need playin’ with!

Here’s a few shots from the shoot. I can’t wait to see the final ad – Paul says it’s awesome and that I look AMAZING! Nothing new, right? =)

 

Lola and I getting ready for the shoot. You know, doing typical model stuff.

Lola and I getting ready for the shoot. You know, doing typical model stuff.

 

 

Hitch was there too. That guy's tongue cracked me up!

Hitch was there too. That guy's tongue cracked me up!

 

 

Moments before "the accident"

Moments before "the accident"

 

 

98% of modeling is facing the right way!

98% of modeling is facing the right way.

 

 

Me and Cory, the photographer. He's doing what he loves to do, and I'm doing what I love to do: chew!

Me and Cory, the photographer. He's doing what he loves to do, and I'm doing what I love to do: chew!

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Tweet!

Tweet!

 

Ok pooches and poochettes, here’s the deal… I know I haven’t been the best at keeping up the blog lately. Like I said, I’ve been grounded for putting my little shnoz toe-deep in a skimmer and chewing. (So sue me!) But thousands of you have emailed/called/texted/carrier-pigeoned/burning-bacon-grease-signaled (that’s the best kind!), telling me to get off my tailless ass and snap to it.

And it got me thinking – I need to be better about staying in touch with my fans. So I’m starting a twitter feed. I know, I know – tweets are for birds, not dogs. But since barker.com is not up yet, I’ll have to settle for twitter. All I can say is that I never would have agreed to do it if it was called squirreler.com. Because I HATE squirrels. (I always feel like that fat one is watching me in the backyard and it creeps me out.)

Anyways, for those of you who don’t know what Twitter is – it is a website that lets me update you on what I’m doing all day long. If I’m chewing a bone, I’ll tell you about it. If I’m plunging my face into kibble, that’s what I’ll say. If I’m tearing up a nice, soft, supple pair of Ferragamo loafers, I’ll write “sleeping.”

Click here for my Twitter page.

If you sign up for Twitter, you can choose to “follow” me, and my updates will show up on your feed automatically. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to make like a dog, and tweet.

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Since I’ve gotten (*gulp*) “lopped,” thousands of well-wishing letters have poured in from around the globe. I loved them all (except the mean one from the cat)!! Here are a few of my favorites:

 

Hi Bisket,

I’m so sorry to hear about your neutering. I just wanted to wish you a speedy recovery. If you need anything (maybe some cheese??), please let me know – I’m always there for you.

Love,
Sara-Jo K., MPLS, MN

 

Bisket,

I was shocked to read about your recent neutering. I have a lot of experience with surgical procedures. Just look at my hair plugs. Do you think those felt good to put in??? No sir! Regardless, I wish you a speedy recovery, and hope you and your family have a blessed and safe 2009. Oh, and support to stimulus package. (No, that’s not some sort of sick neutering joke).

God Bless America,
Vice President Joe Biden

 

Bisket,

I know what it’s like to be neutered. It’s not fun, but it’s for the best. Sometimes you’ve just gotta take one (or two!) for the team. Just think of what this could do for your career! If I hadn’t been chopped, I would’ve never made it into the hearts of Americans across the country (Kelsey Grammar fired the dog before me because it kept peeing on his snakeskin boots).

All the best,
That dog from the hit TV show Frasier 

 

Dear Bisket,

You are such a hero to us. Mrs. Jones reads us your blog every day between recess and math class. It makes us happy. One day, we made puppets of you out of old socks and buttons. Then we made a picture of you using black and white construction paper. We are sorry to hear about your testicle (whatever that is). We hope you are feeling better! We love you!

Love,
Mrs. Jones and her Third Grade Class, Philadelphia, PA

 

Almighty Bisket,

You are very great. And the people of my village are humbled by your power and heroic act of neutering. Please give us a bountiful harvest, and many rains to moisten the parched earth. We have made a sacrifice of many sausages in your name. You are the greatest god of all!

By the power of Zeus!
Odessius III, Ancient Greece

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Bisket

Written by: Bisket

 

I love movies! By my count, I’ve watched over 1,145 movies in the 7 months of my life. Of course that’s counting the 1,144 times I’ve watched Turner and Hooch and the one time I watched the Estelle Getty/Sylvester Stallone masterpiece Stop! Or my mom will shoot (hey, it was on TNT). Anyways, that pretty much makes me an expert on movies.

As you know, the Oscar nominations came out today – and since everyone else in the house is excited about it, this pooch is too. Here’s how the Oscars work:

  1. All year long, movies and actors try to impress this bald guy named Oscar.
  2. If Oscar likes them, he picks them as one of the best. If not, they are deposited directly to that little bin at the video store that says “2 for $20!”
  3. If your movie is picked as THE BEST in each category, you get a gold statue that can be unwrapped and eaten as a delicious chocolate treat. (For dog movies, it is made of ground beef).

So anyways, here are a few Oscar nominations and my picks for the large chocolate statue:

 

More movies about rich dogs please!

More movies about rich dogs please!

BEST PICTURE:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire 

My pick: Let’s see… I don’t like buttons because I don’t have thumbs, so Benjamin Button is out. I HATE the cold, so Frost is out. Milk is for cats, so forget that one. I do like to read, but Slumdog Millionaire is obviously about a rags-to-riches dog that hits it big and I LOVE that! So my pick for best picture is Slumdog Millionaire.

 

 

honorary dog.

Mickey Rourke. He loves his dog. He sorta looks like a dog. I hereby name him an honorary dog!

BEST ACTOR:

Richard Jenkins – The Visitor
Frank Langella – Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn – Milk
Brad Pitt – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke – The Wrestler

My pick: Well, if Richard Jenkins came to visit, I’m sure I would lick his face. Then again, I’d lick anyone’s face, so that one’s out. You know my opinion on frost and milk and buttons, so they’re out. I was watching the Golden Globes when Mickey Rourke won best actor, and he thanked his dogs. “Sometimes when a man’s alone, the only thing he has is his dog.”  Damn right. My pick for best actor is Mickey Rourke.

 

 

 

Kate Winslet enjoys reading my blog. Naked!

Kate Winslet enjoys reading my blog. Naked!

BEST ACTRESS:

Anne Hathaway – Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie – Changeling
Melissa Leo – Frozen River
Meryl Streep – Doubt
Kate Winslet – The Reader

My pick: Well I wasn’t invited to Rachel’s wedding, so why should I vote for it. What a bitch. I have no idea what a “changeling” is, and I think Angelina Jolie should adopt more pets and leave the kid adopting to Madonna. Why all these movies about cold stuff?? I would vote for it if it was called “Hot Tub River”, but I am SICK of the cold! Since I love YOU, the loyal readers of my blog, I will cast my vote in your honor for Kate Winslet in The Reader. By the way, how many jokes will there be on Oscar night about both Kate and Leo being nominated in the same category? Booooooooo.

 

 

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:

Amy Adams – Doubt
Penelope Cruz – Vicki Christina Barcelona
Viola Davis – Doubt
Taraji P Hensen – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei – The Wrestler

My pick:  I like an actress with confidence – and acting in a movie called Doubt doesn’t seem very confident to me, so those two are out. And I HATE BUTTONS. I mean c’mon, I know I don’t have thumbs, so stop rubbing it in! I think I’ll have to go with Marisa Tomei just because of my love of wrestling. With other dogs. Over rubber toys. Which I’m pretty sure this movie is all about.

 

 

Awesomeness that makes you send me delicious cuts of beef.

The kind of awesomeness that makes you send me delicious cuts of beef.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:

Josh Brolin – Milk
Robert Downey Jr – Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman – Doubt
Heath Ledger – The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon – Revolutionary Road

My pick: Again, cats drink milk. I can’t stand cats. Therefore, I can’t stand milk. Thunderstorms make me go bezerko, although I do like tropic…. AHHHH! HELP!!!! Heath Ledger’s awesomeness has taken control of my paws and is making me type that my pick for best supporting actor is Heath Ledger! And now his awesomeness is making me type that you should send large cuts of beef to Bisket at the following address: 551… Ok ok, phew! I’m back and in control. Wow, and we all know that when Heath Ledger awesomeness speaks, you should listen. So, you know, get on that beef, ok? For Heath.

 

Bisket is a boston terrier from Minneapolis, MN. You can read all his writings at this blog: http://www.lifewithpaws.wordpress.com. He loves jerky and licking your face.

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I love that movie! Especially the part where all the dogs are running through the house. Hahahaha!

Anyways, I have an announcement to make: I have won a major award! On my December 24th post, a mysterious (and mustachioed) man told me that I had won the “Blog of the Day Award.” Isn’t that exciting?!?!?

Now, I haven’t received the award yet in the mail. So if you’re reading, mustachioed man, please send me the likeness of my blog carved out of summer sausage (That is the prize you give for this honor, right????)

In other news, I have also won the “Blog of the Century Award”. It is awarded by myself to myself, and is for writing the best blog the past century… and come to think of it, the next century as well. It is also for being awesome. And having large ears. I am hereby renaming my award the “Blog of the double-Century of Awesomeness and Excessive Ears Award.” The prize shall be a lifetime supply of jerky. But until that happens, I’ll settle for this trophy shaped like a rubber octopus:

 

AWARD!

The Blog of the double-Century of Awesomeness and Excessive Ears Award. (for now)

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