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Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

Now let me make one thing very clear: there is only ONE Bisket. My little Boston Terrier puppy love is enough to circle the world twice, but I ain’t Ol’ St. Nick – I can’t be everywhere at once! That’s why the world needs some other Boston Terriers to spread the lovin’. And until yesterday, I didn’t even know they existed.

I got into my best harness, checked it twice in the mirror and hopped into the car. I had no idea where we were going, but I could sense it was somewhere that had some dogs. And where there’s dogs, there’s usually beef-flavored treats – and you know how I feel about beef-flavored treats. Yup, about the same way I feel about chicken-flavored treats. Or lamb-flavored treats. Ok, the same way I feel about treats – period!

So eventually we got to a pleasant house on a pleasant street and went around back. It looked like any other house; smelled like any other house. So what was the big deal?????

BOSTONS! 

All over the place! So many me-looking dogs that I had to nip myself in the butt to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I couldn’t believe it. Big Bostons, little Bostons, Bostons with round heads, Bostons with droopy ears, Bostons with tails, Bostons with Southern accents, Bostons with attitude, Bostons with black fingernails, and brown Bostons!

And then the fun started…

 

Lookit all them Bostons!!!!! There's more awesomeness in that pool than in the entire Western seaboard.

Lookit all them Bostons!!!!!

 

I'd never been in a pool that deep before. But once I got in, I couldn't get enough! And I didn't even need goggles.

I'd never been in a pool that deep before. But once I got in, I couldn't get enough! And I didn't even need goggles.

Soon, a foxy little dame called Ruby showed up. And the guys couldn't get enough...

Soon, a foxy little dame called Ruby showed up. And the guys couldn't get enough...

 

I kept my nose to myself and played it cool with Ruby. Struck up a little conversation about how nice her nails looked; does she use a Pedi Paw?? And then...

I kept my nose to myself and played it cool with Ruby. Struck up a little conversation about how nice her nails looked; does she use a Pedi Paw?? And then...

 

We played around!

We played around! I guess being the American Gentleman helps when you're picking up ladies!

 

That big guy is Bowser. It was his yard. I didn't see Mario or Princess Toadstool anywhere, which made me a little suspicious... but he was a great host!

That big guy is Bowser. It was his yard. He looks tough, but he was a great host and a helluva Mario Kart player!

 

Kirby telling me a joke. It was "What's black and white and good? Give up? Bacon that I want to eat!!!!!!" I didn't get it either, but it sounded delicious.

Kirby telling me a joke. It was "What's black and white and good? Give up? Bacon that I want to eat!!!!!!" I didn't get it either, but it sounded delicious.

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Inside my little melon, right beside the part of my brain that makes me salivate over popcorn, is the part of my brain that thinks about cool stuff: the Cool Stuff Oblongata. I’m NOT making this up! Anyways, today I’m going to be lying in my kennel putting my CSO to some serious work.

You see, I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog lately, and I’m ready to change some things up. Add some fun stuff here, some sausage smells there… you know – just make it way more awesome. Of course one look at this picture and you’re probably thinking to yourself: “Well how much more awesome can it get?!?!?!?!” Right??

Hahaha that’s what I thought!

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Ok so it’s been a LOOOONG time since I’ve written last. What happened?? I have no excuse. But just look at my little face and tell me you’re mad – I dare you!

Anyways, it’s raining dogs and dogs today. Which means I’ve held my poo all day. Right now, it’s 10:06 PM and I have to go super bad. But I am NOT going out in that rain. I hate how it feels like a bunch of pins and needles on my little head and in my ears. (By the way, where did the saying “pins and needles” come from? Has anyone ever had a ton of pins and needles held up against their hands or feet?? How do they know that a pink stuffed elephant wearing ruby slippers doesn’t feel like cold June rain, or a sleeping limb? Sheesh.) The alphas say I have to “do a 2” before bed. I’m not looking forward to it.

Did you know I have a new little cousin?? Yup, Auntie Rhonda had her litter of one. Her name is Aubrey. I’ll place her in the category of cousins I love: Aubrey and Phoebe. I can’t wait until those two grow up a little bit – then I’ll be able to lick food off their dirty little kiddie faces. YUM!

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Exactly one year ago today, in Wisconsin Dells (the self-proclaimed “Water Park Capital of the World”), a little pooch was born. There was no room in the bed, so his mom had to give birth to him in a manger. 3 wise dogs brought him gifts of pepperoni, rawhide, and Wii cords. There was a bright star up in the sky – but then it turned out to be an airplane.

Ok, so I made that whole thing up. Except the part where I was born. Today is my birthday! Can you believe it???? I’m 1 year old today. Funny: it seems more like 7 years. Hmmmmmm…

Anyways, I’ve got a pretty damn good life. Two wonderful alphas who love me, a warm kennel whenever I need it, food in the dish, a nice little perch on the couch for window watching and sun bathing, plenty of toys, a yard full of dirt to dig and roll in, washcloth baths every morning, a big hallway to run down, and a clean bill of health. Yup, my life is pretty good. I’m so happy to have been born!

Me when I was born:

 

Sleeping... something you never grow out of!

Sleeping... something you never grow out of

 

And now…

 

I guess you don't grow out of happiness either!

I guess you don't grow out of happiness either!

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Dogs like to chew on bones. Skeletons are made of bones. That’s probably why you don’t see any skeletons with pet dogs…

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Even fiercely independent pooches like myself have mothers. And I love mine very much. Thanks, mom, for 8 weeks of puppy suckling and little nudges with your cold nose.

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To all you pooches out there: Don’t forget where you came from. And to all those puppy mothers who haven’t gotten a phone call from their puppies in a while… I accidentally chewed up my own cellphone. Whoops!

Love you, Mom!

Also… to my mom away from mom – my female alpha male: your face always tastes like love. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be half the dog I am (probably the “ket” part… that half tends to misbehave way more than the “Bis” part).

I love you too!

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Tweet!

Tweet!

 

Ok pooches and poochettes, here’s the deal… I know I haven’t been the best at keeping up the blog lately. Like I said, I’ve been grounded for putting my little shnoz toe-deep in a skimmer and chewing. (So sue me!) But thousands of you have emailed/called/texted/carrier-pigeoned/burning-bacon-grease-signaled (that’s the best kind!), telling me to get off my tailless ass and snap to it.

And it got me thinking – I need to be better about staying in touch with my fans. So I’m starting a twitter feed. I know, I know – tweets are for birds, not dogs. But since barker.com is not up yet, I’ll have to settle for twitter. All I can say is that I never would have agreed to do it if it was called squirreler.com. Because I HATE squirrels. (I always feel like that fat one is watching me in the backyard and it creeps me out.)

Anyways, for those of you who don’t know what Twitter is – it is a website that lets me update you on what I’m doing all day long. If I’m chewing a bone, I’ll tell you about it. If I’m plunging my face into kibble, that’s what I’ll say. If I’m tearing up a nice, soft, supple pair of Ferragamo loafers, I’ll write “sleeping.”

Click here for my Twitter page.

If you sign up for Twitter, you can choose to “follow” me, and my updates will show up on your feed automatically. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to make like a dog, and tweet.

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