Why wear pants if you’re going to poop them?? When it comes to that, we pooches are definitely ahead of the curve.

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Sleeeeeepy

You know that feeling you get when you go to the dog park and you’ve chased so many sticks and made so many friends and run so many circles and sniffed so many butts that you can’t keep your eyes open?

This is what it’s like:

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Jason’s Feet

My female alpha male’s brother-in-law is coming to town this weekend and he’s allergic to dogs. I know – that’s like the worst pox anyone could be cursed with in this world. It’s even worse than an ingrown toenail, or a presidential address right in the middle of the season finale of Scrubs!

Well there’s something about Jason’s feet that I can’t get enough of. If he’s sitting there, I get this weird urge to walk up to him and roll around all over his metatarsals. I don’t know what it is! But I just can’t get enough! I love it!

Then after a few rolls, I get told to get off Jason’s feet. It’s like something you really want but know you’ll never have. A shame, really: Me and those feet could have some fun together!

 

Possessed by feet!

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Boston, Minnesota

Now let me make one thing very clear: there is only ONE Bisket. My little Boston Terrier puppy love is enough to circle the world twice, but I ain’t Ol’ St. Nick – I can’t be everywhere at once! That’s why the world needs some other Boston Terriers to spread the lovin’. And until yesterday, I didn’t even know they existed.

I got into my best harness, checked it twice in the mirror and hopped into the car. I had no idea where we were going, but I could sense it was somewhere that had some dogs. And where there’s dogs, there’s usually beef-flavored treats – and you know how I feel about beef-flavored treats. Yup, about the same way I feel about chicken-flavored treats. Or lamb-flavored treats. Ok, the same way I feel about treats – period!

So eventually we got to a pleasant house on a pleasant street and went around back. It looked like any other house; smelled like any other house. So what was the big deal?????

BOSTONS! 

All over the place! So many me-looking dogs that I had to nip myself in the butt to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I couldn’t believe it. Big Bostons, little Bostons, Bostons with round heads, Bostons with droopy ears, Bostons with tails, Bostons with Southern accents, Bostons with attitude, Bostons with black fingernails, and brown Bostons!

And then the fun started…

 

Lookit all them Bostons!!!!!

 

I'd never been in a pool that deep before. But once I got in, I couldn't get enough! And I didn't even need goggles.

Soon, a foxy little dame called Ruby showed up. And the guys couldn't get enough...

 

I kept my nose to myself and played it cool with Ruby. Struck up a little conversation about how nice her nails looked; does she use a Pedi Paw?? And then...

 

We played around! I guess being the American Gentleman helps when you're picking up ladies!

 

That big guy is Bowser. It was his yard. He looks tough, but he was a great host and a helluva Mario Kart player!

 

Kirby telling me a joke. It was "What's black and white and good? Give up? Bacon that I want to eat!!!!!!" I didn't get it either, but it sounded delicious.

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Cool Stuff Oblongata

Inside my little melon, right beside the part of my brain that makes me salivate over popcorn, is the part of my brain that thinks about cool stuff: the Cool Stuff Oblongata. I’m NOT making this up! Anyways, today I’m going to be lying in my kennel putting my CSO to some serious work.

You see, I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog lately, and I’m ready to change some things up. Add some fun stuff here, some sausage smells there… you know – just make it way more awesome. Of course one look at this picture and you’re probably thinking to yourself: “Well how much more awesome can it get?!?!?!?!” Right??

Hahaha that’s what I thought!

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I’m gonna be famous!

 

So check it out: male alpha male took me to his work the other day for something super cool. A doggie photo shoot! Turns out, they’re making some ads for a place called Woody’s Pet Food Deli and needed a few good lookin’ pooches as models. I mean, seriously – who else would you call when you need a good lookin’ pooch??

I practiced a few of my poses and looks at home before the shoot: The Pant. The Puppy Eye. The Friendly Pup. The Scholarly Pooch. The Lazy Susan. Things were looking good. But when I got there, there were like 3 other dogs and I got super excited… and I pooped. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I got stage fright! Would this ruin my chance of being famous?? Would this crush my dreams of money, success, and moist delicious dog food eaten out of a crystal dish???

Nope! I got in there and popped a few good poses off before getting distracted by a rope toy. My male alpha male said I coulda behaved a little better, but you can’t expect me to hold still when there’s dogs and toys around that need playin’ with!

Here’s a few shots from the shoot. I can’t wait to see the final ad – Paul says it’s awesome and that I look AMAZING! Nothing new, right? =)

 

Lola and I getting ready for the shoot. You know, doing typical model stuff.

 

 

Hitch was there too. That guy's tongue cracked me up!

 

 

Moments before "the accident"

 

 

98% of modeling is facing the right way.

 

 

Me and Cory, the photographer. He's doing what he loves to do, and I'm doing what I love to do: chew!

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Happy Mother’s Day

Even fiercely independent pooches like myself have mothers. And I love mine very much. Thanks, mom, for 8 weeks of puppy suckling and little nudges with your cold nose.

 

To all you pooches out there: Don’t forget where you came from. And to all those puppy mothers who haven’t gotten a phone call from their puppies in a while… I accidentally chewed up my own cellphone. Whoops!

Love you, Mom!

Also… to my mom away from mom – my female alpha male: your face always tastes like love. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be half the dog I am (probably the “ket” part… that half tends to misbehave way more than the “Bis” part).

I love you too!

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Swine flu

I think I’ve got it. I mean, check me out – I’m already showing the symptoms. Rolling around the dirt to cool off and acting like a pig, right? Pretty soon I’ll be making friends with spiders and going “wee wee wee all the way home.” Seriously! This is not good…

 

 

 

 

"It's too late for a cure, Sidney... tell me family I love them."

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Don’t Ask

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The Great Outdoors

Minnesota is the land of 10,000 lakes. It is also the land of 1 Bisket. Those are awesome odds for a dog who loves the outdoors.

So yeah, I went to the lake today and chased my jolly ball all over the park. (Seriously, that’s what it’s called!) It was fantastic. This dog was born to run!!!!!! And poop sometimes. But mostly to run!!!!!

 

Me and my Jolly Ball

 

After I stretched out my four little wheels, we went lakeside for some snooping around in the tall grass. All I found was a bunch of old Phillie blunts and dry leaves. Man – I was hoping for at least a half-full bag of Chex mix or something!

 

 

In the rough...

 

Finally, it was time to venture down to mighty Lake Nokomis. I took a few sniffs… I stepped in the mud of its storied banks… I watched a Seagull fly high above in the cool Minnesota sky… and then went back to the long grass to look for Chex mix.

 

 

Me. Lake. Awesome.

 

All in all, it was an awesome time! Got to bond with my male alpha male, run around like a nut, and sniff some new smells. What more could I ask for???

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