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Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category

Why wear pants if you’re going to poop them?? When it comes to that, we pooches are definitely ahead of the curve.

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Now let me make one thing very clear: there is only ONE Bisket. My little Boston Terrier puppy love is enough to circle the world twice, but I ain’t Ol’ St. Nick – I can’t be everywhere at once! That’s why the world needs some other Boston Terriers to spread the lovin’. And until yesterday, I didn’t even know they existed.

I got into my best harness, checked it twice in the mirror and hopped into the car. I had no idea where we were going, but I could sense it was somewhere that had some dogs. And where there’s dogs, there’s usually beef-flavored treats – and you know how I feel about beef-flavored treats. Yup, about the same way I feel about chicken-flavored treats. Or lamb-flavored treats. Ok, the same way I feel about treats – period!

So eventually we got to a pleasant house on a pleasant street and went around back. It looked like any other house; smelled like any other house. So what was the big deal?????

BOSTONS! 

All over the place! So many me-looking dogs that I had to nip myself in the butt to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I couldn’t believe it. Big Bostons, little Bostons, Bostons with round heads, Bostons with droopy ears, Bostons with tails, Bostons with Southern accents, Bostons with attitude, Bostons with black fingernails, and brown Bostons!

And then the fun started…

 

Lookit all them Bostons!!!!! There's more awesomeness in that pool than in the entire Western seaboard.

Lookit all them Bostons!!!!!

 

I'd never been in a pool that deep before. But once I got in, I couldn't get enough! And I didn't even need goggles.

I'd never been in a pool that deep before. But once I got in, I couldn't get enough! And I didn't even need goggles.

Soon, a foxy little dame called Ruby showed up. And the guys couldn't get enough...

Soon, a foxy little dame called Ruby showed up. And the guys couldn't get enough...

 

I kept my nose to myself and played it cool with Ruby. Struck up a little conversation about how nice her nails looked; does she use a Pedi Paw?? And then...

I kept my nose to myself and played it cool with Ruby. Struck up a little conversation about how nice her nails looked; does she use a Pedi Paw?? And then...

 

We played around!

We played around! I guess being the American Gentleman helps when you're picking up ladies!

 

That big guy is Bowser. It was his yard. I didn't see Mario or Princess Toadstool anywhere, which made me a little suspicious... but he was a great host!

That big guy is Bowser. It was his yard. He looks tough, but he was a great host and a helluva Mario Kart player!

 

Kirby telling me a joke. It was "What's black and white and good? Give up? Bacon that I want to eat!!!!!!" I didn't get it either, but it sounded delicious.

Kirby telling me a joke. It was "What's black and white and good? Give up? Bacon that I want to eat!!!!!!" I didn't get it either, but it sounded delicious.

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Ok so it’s been a LOOOONG time since I’ve written last. What happened?? I have no excuse. But just look at my little face and tell me you’re mad – I dare you!

Anyways, it’s raining dogs and dogs today. Which means I’ve held my poo all day. Right now, it’s 10:06 PM and I have to go super bad. But I am NOT going out in that rain. I hate how it feels like a bunch of pins and needles on my little head and in my ears. (By the way, where did the saying “pins and needles” come from? Has anyone ever had a ton of pins and needles held up against their hands or feet?? How do they know that a pink stuffed elephant wearing ruby slippers doesn’t feel like cold June rain, or a sleeping limb? Sheesh.) The alphas say I have to “do a 2” before bed. I’m not looking forward to it.

Did you know I have a new little cousin?? Yup, Auntie Rhonda had her litter of one. Her name is Aubrey. I’ll place her in the category of cousins I love: Aubrey and Phoebe. I can’t wait until those two grow up a little bit – then I’ll be able to lick food off their dirty little kiddie faces. YUM!

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So check it out: male alpha male took me to his work the other day for something super cool. A doggie photo shoot! Turns out, they’re making some ads for a place called Woody’s Pet Food Deli and needed a few good lookin’ pooches as models. I mean, seriously – who else would you call when you need a good lookin’ pooch??

I practiced a few of my poses and looks at home before the shoot: The Pant. The Puppy Eye. The Friendly Pup. The Scholarly Pooch. The Lazy Susan. Things were looking good. But when I got there, there were like 3 other dogs and I got super excited… and I pooped. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I got stage fright! Would this ruin my chance of being famous?? Would this crush my dreams of money, success, and moist delicious dog food eaten out of a crystal dish???

Nope! I got in there and popped a few good poses off before getting distracted by a rope toy. My male alpha male said I coulda behaved a little better, but you can’t expect me to hold still when there’s dogs and toys around that need playin’ with!

Here’s a few shots from the shoot. I can’t wait to see the final ad – Paul says it’s awesome and that I look AMAZING! Nothing new, right? =)

 

Lola and I getting ready for the shoot. You know, doing typical model stuff.

Lola and I getting ready for the shoot. You know, doing typical model stuff.

 

 

Hitch was there too. That guy's tongue cracked me up!

Hitch was there too. That guy's tongue cracked me up!

 

 

Moments before "the accident"

Moments before "the accident"

 

 

98% of modeling is facing the right way!

98% of modeling is facing the right way.

 

 

Me and Cory, the photographer. He's doing what he loves to do, and I'm doing what I love to do: chew!

Me and Cory, the photographer. He's doing what he loves to do, and I'm doing what I love to do: chew!

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Puppy vs. Baby, last age zero standing!

Puppy vs. Baby, last age zero standing!

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At parties, I’ve been known to do some killer imdoginations (sort of like “impersonations” but for dogs). I’m the hit of the party! People go nuts! One guy’s drink came out through his nose. Another guy didn’t go nuts, but did go out for nuts since we had run out.

I love making people laugh at parties, but all the attention makes it hard to steal a taste of the bacon dip. Anyways, here’s some imdoginations that I’ve been practicing… at the end you can vote for your favorite!

 

First, Winston Churchill. I haven’t quite mastered the accent yet…

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"From Stettin in the Baltic..."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gene Simmons from KISS…

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Next, Dame Judi Dench as Queen Elizabeth from Shakespeare in Love:

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And finally, the movie “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”:

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Ok, now VOTE!

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Tweet!

Tweet!

 

Ok pooches and poochettes, here’s the deal… I know I haven’t been the best at keeping up the blog lately. Like I said, I’ve been grounded for putting my little shnoz toe-deep in a skimmer and chewing. (So sue me!) But thousands of you have emailed/called/texted/carrier-pigeoned/burning-bacon-grease-signaled (that’s the best kind!), telling me to get off my tailless ass and snap to it.

And it got me thinking – I need to be better about staying in touch with my fans. So I’m starting a twitter feed. I know, I know – tweets are for birds, not dogs. But since barker.com is not up yet, I’ll have to settle for twitter. All I can say is that I never would have agreed to do it if it was called squirreler.com. Because I HATE squirrels. (I always feel like that fat one is watching me in the backyard and it creeps me out.)

Anyways, for those of you who don’t know what Twitter is – it is a website that lets me update you on what I’m doing all day long. If I’m chewing a bone, I’ll tell you about it. If I’m plunging my face into kibble, that’s what I’ll say. If I’m tearing up a nice, soft, supple pair of Ferragamo loafers, I’ll write “sleeping.”

Click here for my Twitter page.

If you sign up for Twitter, you can choose to “follow” me, and my updates will show up on your feed automatically. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to make like a dog, and tweet.

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