If my paws were made of salami, would I eat them??
Without a doubt. For sure. Absolutely.
You’re asking: “You would eat your own paws?!?! What kind of animal are you?!!” And I answer: “Yes.” and “A dog. Duh.”
Let me put it this way – when you’re a pooch, you’ve got to get anything you can. Sure, there’s the food you give us in our cute little bowls, but that’s only 50%! The rest of it we hunt down. English muffin crumbs on the kitchen floor – we’re on it. Cheese wrapper that missed the garbage – we’re licking it. Splotch of spaghetti sauce on your face – we’re gettin’ to it! Get it? We’re in competition with Father time, the vacuum cleaner, paper towels, and ants. If we don’t get to that food, someone else will!
So yes, if my paws were made of salami (and preferably a nice Sopressata with just the right dash of hot peppers and seasonings) I would devour them. Because a dog has an obligation – nay, a God-given right! – to whatever food he or she can get their little paws on (even if that food happens to be their actual paws, but that’s just details). And to be quite frank… no one – let me repeat – NO ONE is going to eat my salami paws but me!