Why wear pants if you’re going to poop them?? When it comes to that, we pooches are definitely ahead of the curve.

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Boston, Minnesota

Now let me make one thing very clear: there is only ONE Bisket. My little Boston Terrier puppy love is enough to circle the world twice, but I ain’t Ol’ St. Nick – I can’t be everywhere at once! That’s why the world needs some other Boston Terriers to spread the lovin’. And until yesterday, I didn’t even know they existed.

I got into my best harness, checked it twice in the mirror and hopped into the car. I had no idea where we were going, but I could sense it was somewhere that had some dogs. And where there’s dogs, there’s usually beef-flavored treats – and you know how I feel about beef-flavored treats. Yup, about the same way I feel about chicken-flavored treats. Or lamb-flavored treats. Ok, the same way I feel about treats – period!

So eventually we got to a pleasant house on a pleasant street and went around back. It looked like any other house; smelled like any other house. So what was the big deal?????

BOSTONS! 

All over the place! So many me-looking dogs that I had to nip myself in the butt to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I couldn’t believe it. Big Bostons, little Bostons, Bostons with round heads, Bostons with droopy ears, Bostons with tails, Bostons with Southern accents, Bostons with attitude, Bostons with black fingernails, and brown Bostons!

And then the fun started…

 

Lookit all them Bostons!!!!!

 

I'd never been in a pool that deep before. But once I got in, I couldn't get enough! And I didn't even need goggles.

Soon, a foxy little dame called Ruby showed up. And the guys couldn't get enough...

 

I kept my nose to myself and played it cool with Ruby. Struck up a little conversation about how nice her nails looked; does she use a Pedi Paw?? And then...

 

We played around! I guess being the American Gentleman helps when you're picking up ladies!

 

That big guy is Bowser. It was his yard. He looks tough, but he was a great host and a helluva Mario Kart player!

 

Kirby telling me a joke. It was "What's black and white and good? Give up? Bacon that I want to eat!!!!!!" I didn't get it either, but it sounded delicious.

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Ok so it’s been a LOOOONG time since I’ve written last. What happened?? I have no excuse. But just look at my little face and tell me you’re mad – I dare you!

Anyways, it’s raining dogs and dogs today. Which means I’ve held my poo all day. Right now, it’s 10:06 PM and I have to go super bad. But I am NOT going out in that rain. I hate how it feels like a bunch of pins and needles on my little head and in my ears. (By the way, where did the saying “pins and needles” come from? Has anyone ever had a ton of pins and needles held up against their hands or feet?? How do they know that a pink stuffed elephant wearing ruby slippers doesn’t feel like cold June rain, or a sleeping limb? Sheesh.) The alphas say I have to “do a 2″ before bed. I’m not looking forward to it.

Did you know I have a new little cousin?? Yup, Auntie Rhonda had her litter of one. Her name is Aubrey. I’ll place her in the category of cousins I love: Aubrey and Phoebe. I can’t wait until those two grow up a little bit – then I’ll be able to lick food off their dirty little kiddie faces. YUM!

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I’m gonna be famous!

 

So check it out: male alpha male took me to his work the other day for something super cool. A doggie photo shoot! Turns out, they’re making some ads for a place called Woody’s Pet Food Deli and needed a few good lookin’ pooches as models. I mean, seriously – who else would you call when you need a good lookin’ pooch??

I practiced a few of my poses and looks at home before the shoot: The Pant. The Puppy Eye. The Friendly Pup. The Scholarly Pooch. The Lazy Susan. Things were looking good. But when I got there, there were like 3 other dogs and I got super excited… and I pooped. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I got stage fright! Would this ruin my chance of being famous?? Would this crush my dreams of money, success, and moist delicious dog food eaten out of a crystal dish???

Nope! I got in there and popped a few good poses off before getting distracted by a rope toy. My male alpha male said I coulda behaved a little better, but you can’t expect me to hold still when there’s dogs and toys around that need playin’ with!

Here’s a few shots from the shoot. I can’t wait to see the final ad – Paul says it’s awesome and that I look AMAZING! Nothing new, right? =)

 

Lola and I getting ready for the shoot. You know, doing typical model stuff.

 

 

Hitch was there too. That guy's tongue cracked me up!

 

 

Moments before "the accident"

 

 

98% of modeling is facing the right way.

 

 

Me and Cory, the photographer. He's doing what he loves to do, and I'm doing what I love to do: chew!

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PAY PER VIEW: Staring Contest

 

Puppy vs. Baby, last age zero standing!

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Imdoginations

At parties, I’ve been known to do some killer imdoginations (sort of like “impersonations” but for dogs). I’m the hit of the party! People go nuts! One guy’s drink came out through his nose. Another guy didn’t go nuts, but did go out for nuts since we had run out.

I love making people laugh at parties, but all the attention makes it hard to steal a taste of the bacon dip. Anyways, here’s some imdoginations that I’ve been practicing… at the end you can vote for your favorite!

 

First, Winston Churchill. I haven’t quite mastered the accent yet…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gene Simmons from KISS…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next, Dame Judi Dench as Queen Elizabeth from Shakespeare in Love:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And finally, the movie “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, now VOTE!

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Twitter

 

Tweet!

 

Ok pooches and poochettes, here’s the deal… I know I haven’t been the best at keeping up the blog lately. Like I said, I’ve been grounded for putting my little shnoz toe-deep in a skimmer and chewing. (So sue me!) But thousands of you have emailed/called/texted/carrier-pigeoned/burning-bacon-grease-signaled (that’s the best kind!), telling me to get off my tailless ass and snap to it.

And it got me thinking – I need to be better about staying in touch with my fans. So I’m starting a twitter feed. I know, I know – tweets are for birds, not dogs. But since barker.com is not up yet, I’ll have to settle for twitter. All I can say is that I never would have agreed to do it if it was called squirreler.com. Because I HATE squirrels. (I always feel like that fat one is watching me in the backyard and it creeps me out.)

Anyways, for those of you who don’t know what Twitter is – it is a website that lets me update you on what I’m doing all day long. If I’m chewing a bone, I’ll tell you about it. If I’m plunging my face into kibble, that’s what I’ll say. If I’m tearing up a nice, soft, supple pair of Ferragamo loafers, I’ll write “sleeping.”

Click here for my Twitter page.

If you sign up for Twitter, you can choose to “follow” me, and my updates will show up on your feed automatically. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to make like a dog, and tweet.

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Puppy Playtime, suckas!

Today I went to puppy playtime and the alphas forgot the camera… AGAIN! Is this some vicious pox on their memory-capturing abilities? Are they destined to forget the camera forever????

My guess is yes.

Anyways, playtime was freakin’ awesome! I went nuts at the beginning, chasing all these crazy little chihuahuas. I was going to yell “Yo quiero Chihuahua!” but hell, that jokes been beat to death. I played with a crabby old schnauzer – those things always remind me of the detective dogs in disney movies. You know, the ones with the old man voice, smoking a pipe, and working for Scotland Yard. Haha I love those guys! Then a kid called me funny looking, and I said “Listen, kid – at least I’m not wearing Crocs.” Kids are meant to be seen, not wearing 50 year old gardening lady shoes, if you know what I’m sayin’!

Now, let me tell you: this puppy playtime was even more crazy than I could ever explain. Dogs were chasing each other all over the joint, about 8 dogs took craps right on the floor, and a giant fence dividing the chill dogs from the crazy dogs fell over! Can you guess what side I was on?

I cannot wait until the next one!

And now I’m going to leave a giant white space where the pictures should have been. Alphas… can’t live with ‘em, probably could live without ‘em. (Just kidding =)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bye!

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Photos of me thinking about food

 

"While we're on the subject of meat... if I bite a vegan, would they taste like tofu?"

 

 

"Zzzzzzzzzz... Cheese sticks?!"

 

 

"Why am I thinking about creme brule? I'm a dog, not that rat from Ratatouille!"

 

 

"Ham, ham, ham, ham, ham, ham, big luscious thick heavenly slices of ham, ham, ham, ham, ham, ham, ham..."

 

 

"This is such a waste of food."

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Back!

RAR! And greetings, loyal readers! (People, pets, and young children who should be sleeping right now but instead have stashed deceiving pillows under their blankets and snuck out of bed for a late-night read of this spectacular blog)

As you’ve probably noticed, I’ve been laying low the past few days – all while doing NO LOW-LAYING WHATSOEVER! See, I’ve been pretty busy: you know, searching for sausages, scattering toys, and other general rabble-rousings.

I did get in quite a bit of trouble the other day. See if you can guess why… No, I did NOT poop in the bathtub – that is a terrible guess, and I’m offended you would even think I’d do such a thing!!!!

Ok, yes, I pooped in the bathtub. I am ashamed. =(

As you may already know, I have been obsessed with the bathtub lately. I can’t get enough of it. The other day, as I was taking my daily stroll around the tub, I got the urge and thought, “Well, so long as I’m here…”

As soon as it happened, I felt terrible about it. Especially when the alpha male female went bezerk about how she had just cleaned the bathroom. I looked at her with eyes that said, “I’m sooooo sorry. But in my defense, I’m halfway to the toilet.” 

 

Am I Right?????? Somebody back me up here! (That means you, Joe Stains!)

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