Deep Thoughts

If you wish Happy New Year to a dog, do you have to say it 7 times?

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Deep Thoughts

The best reason to never get your driver’s license.

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Deep Thoughts

Met a woman today who said she didn’t like dogs. It must be hard to be a robot.

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Rainy Days

Well, it’s raining cats and dogs here in Minneapolis. (Nice to see the cats actually doing something – albeit falling from the sky)  I’m chillin’ kennelside with nothing to do but chew an old knucklebone and miss the sun.

Ahh, sunshine. I love to stick my face in it! When the alphas get home from lunch, I give them the obligatory jump on the leg and then I’m out the door and into the sweet sweet rays of Mr. Samuel Sun. (Yes, the sun has a first name. And yes, it is Samuel)

Picture me rollin’ (in sunshine):

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Ok so it’s been a LOOOONG time since I’ve written last. What happened?? I have no excuse. But just look at my little face and tell me you’re mad – I dare you!

Anyways, it’s raining dogs and dogs today. Which means I’ve held my poo all day. Right now, it’s 10:06 PM and I have to go super bad. But I am NOT going out in that rain. I hate how it feels like a bunch of pins and needles on my little head and in my ears. (By the way, where did the saying “pins and needles” come from? Has anyone ever had a ton of pins and needles held up against their hands or feet?? How do they know that a pink stuffed elephant wearing ruby slippers doesn’t feel like cold June rain, or a sleeping limb? Sheesh.) The alphas say I have to “do a 2″ before bed. I’m not looking forward to it.

Did you know I have a new little cousin?? Yup, Auntie Rhonda had her litter of one. Her name is Aubrey. I’ll place her in the category of cousins I love: Aubrey and Phoebe. I can’t wait until those two grow up a little bit – then I’ll be able to lick food off their dirty little kiddie faces. YUM!

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I’m in North Dakota right now

Yeah, North Dakota. You know, one state to the left of MN… really? No, I’m not making it up! It’s right about South Dakota; right below Canada. What? Seriously! Whatever – look at a map.

Anyways, male alpha male and I took the loooooooong ride out to Bismarck, ND – also known as “The Jewel of the Part of the United States Everyone Forgets is There.” It was a surprise visit to see the female alpha male, who was hanging out with her family and didn’t think she’d see us for a few more days. I can’t yell “Surprise!”, so I licked her face. Same thing, right? =)

On the way to North Dakota: The torn-open envelope shaped state.

Right now, the house is getting cleaned for a baby shower tomorrow so I’m chillin’ in the basement. Literally – it’s COLD down here. But I’ve got a nice warm lap to sit in, so it’s all good for me.

When I get back home, I’ve got some AWESOME (or “PAWSOME” as some of my doggy friends like to say) Imdoginations all ready to go. Bet you can’t wait. Well, you’ll have to!

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Happy Mother’s Day

Even fiercely independent pooches like myself have mothers. And I love mine very much. Thanks, mom, for 8 weeks of puppy suckling and little nudges with your cold nose.

 

To all you pooches out there: Don’t forget where you came from. And to all those puppy mothers who haven’t gotten a phone call from their puppies in a while… I accidentally chewed up my own cellphone. Whoops!

Love you, Mom!

Also… to my mom away from mom – my female alpha male: your face always tastes like love. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be half the dog I am (probably the “ket” part… that half tends to misbehave way more than the “Bis” part).

I love you too!

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Stuff…

I just went for an AWESOME walk! I would say it was “pawsome”  (as some of my loyal readers like to say) but it wasn’t pawsome because my paws are freaking COLD!!

Anyways, it’s great to get out and get my mind off this neutering business. I’ve got my check-in appointment with the new vet on Tuesday, and I’m a little bit nervous that he’s going to pull out a Slap Chop or something. Yikes!!

 

 

Besides that, nothing really new here. Oh, wait! I got a new food! The last one had something in it that made me fart a lot. Seriously, I could clear out Carnegie Hall with a few little SBD’s. But now I’ve got this new Canidae food with Salmon in it, and I eat the bejeebles out of it every time they stick it in front of my face. Dee-lish!

Ok, now I’m pretty sure that’s all the news… wait… maybe not… ok, yes it is. I hope you’re having a great weekend and wish me luck at my vet appointment. If my vet’s name is Vince and he’s wearing a headset microphone… then whoa boy I’m screwed!

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Nominations!

 

Written by: Bisket

 

I love movies! By my count, I’ve watched over 1,145 movies in the 7 months of my life. Of course that’s counting the 1,144 times I’ve watched Turner and Hooch and the one time I watched the Estelle Getty/Sylvester Stallone masterpiece Stop! Or my mom will shoot (hey, it was on TNT). Anyways, that pretty much makes me an expert on movies.

As you know, the Oscar nominations came out today – and since everyone else in the house is excited about it, this pooch is too. Here’s how the Oscars work:

1. All year long, movies and actors try to impress this bald guy named Oscar.
2. If Oscar likes them, he picks them as one of the best. If not, they are deposited directly to that little bin at the video store that says “2 for $20!”
3. If your movie is picked as THE BEST in each category, you get a gold statue that can be unwrapped and eaten as a delicious chocolate treat. (For dog movies, it is made of ground beef).

So anyways, here are a few Oscar nominations and my picks for the large chocolate statue:

 

More movies about rich dogs please!

BEST PICTURE:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire 

My pick: Let’s see… I don’t like buttons because I don’t have thumbs, so Benjamin Button is out. I HATE the cold, so Frost is out. Milk is for cats, so forget that one. I do like to read, but Slumdog Millionaire is obviously about a rags-to-riches dog that hits it big and I LOVE that! So my pick for best picture is Slumdog Millionaire.

 

 

Mickey Rourke. He loves his dog. He sorta looks like a dog. I hereby name him an honorary dog!

BEST ACTOR:

Richard Jenkins – The Visitor
Frank Langella – Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn – Milk
Brad Pitt – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke – The Wrestler

My pick: Well, if Richard Jenkins came to visit, I’m sure I would lick his face. Then again, I’d lick anyone’s face, so that one’s out. You know my opinion on frost and milk and buttons, so they’re out. I was watching the Golden Globes when Mickey Rourke won best actor, and he thanked his dogs. “Sometimes when a man’s alone, the only thing he has is his dog.”  Damn right. My pick for best actor is Mickey Rourke.

 

 

 

Kate Winslet enjoys reading my blog. Naked!

BEST ACTRESS:

Anne Hathaway – Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie – Changeling
Melissa Leo – Frozen River
Meryl Streep – Doubt
Kate Winslet – The Reader

My pick: Well I wasn’t invited to Rachel’s wedding, so why should I vote for it. What a bitch. I have no idea what a “changeling” is, and I think Angelina Jolie should adopt more pets and leave the kid adopting to Madonna. Why all these movies about cold stuff?? I would vote for it if it was called “Hot Tub River”, but I am SICK of the cold! Since I love YOU, the loyal readers of my blog, I will cast my vote in your honor for Kate Winslet in The Reader. By the way, how many jokes will there be on Oscar night about both Kate and Leo being nominated in the same category? Booooooooo.

 

 

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:

Amy Adams – Doubt
Penelope Cruz – Vicki Christina Barcelona
Viola Davis – Doubt
Taraji P Hensen – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei – The Wrestler

My pick:  I like an actress with confidence – and acting in a movie called Doubt doesn’t seem very confident to me, so those two are out. And I HATE BUTTONS. I mean c’mon, I know I don’t have thumbs, so stop rubbing it in! I think I’ll have to go with Marisa Tomei just because of my love of wrestling. With other dogs. Over rubber toys. Which I’m pretty sure this movie is all about.

 

 

The kind of awesomeness that makes you send me delicious cuts of beef.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:

Josh Brolin – Milk
Robert Downey Jr – Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman – Doubt
Heath Ledger – The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon – Revolutionary Road

My pick: Again, cats drink milk. I can’t stand cats. Therefore, I can’t stand milk. Thunderstorms make me go bezerko, although I do like tropic…. AHHHH! HELP!!!! Heath Ledger’s awesomeness has taken control of my paws and is making me type that my pick for best supporting actor is Heath Ledger! And now his awesomeness is making me type that you should send large cuts of beef to Bisket at the following address: 551… Ok ok, phew! I’m back and in control. Wow, and we all know that when Heath Ledger awesomeness speaks, you should listen. So, you know, get on that beef, ok? For Heath.

 

Bisket is a boston terrier from Minneapolis, MN. You can read all his writings at this blog: http://www.lifewithpaws.wordpress.com. He loves jerky and licking your face.

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New Year’s Sleep

It’s New Year’s Eve: time for champagne, dancing, and laughing! Not for me.

Now stop it! Don’t give me that “Awwwww I feel sorry for Bisket” crap. I’m actually looking forward to a little relaxation tonight. For the past week, I’ve done quite a bit and quite frankly, I’m exhausted. I met 3 new dogs, ran around a giant farm, met a bunch of new people, pooped in the winter chill of a North Dakota breeze, and helped clean up Chris Mas decorations by shredding a cardboard wrapping paper tube. So the only ball dropping for little ol’ Bisket this New Years is his one testicle on his brand new bed.

Now just because I’m not getting plastered this New Year’s doesn’t mean I can’t have a few resolutions. (Plus, what would be the point in getting totally wasted when I run around naked through the yard all year long anyways??)

Bisket’s New Year’s Resolutions:

• Eat 20% more kibble
• Sleep about the same amount per day as 2008
• Let the alphas clean my ears at least twice (and freak out every other time beyond that)
• Learn how to go for a walk
• Learn 2 new tricks: “lie down” and “dance for ham”
• Meet 1,000 new people and 50 new dogs
• Break into fridge; devour everything (including onions)
• Quit smoking
• Sign up for Jenny Craig
• Just wanted to see if you were paying attention

And just because I’m not doing anything for New Year’s doesn’t mean that you can’t. In fact, I challenge you to have a great time and run naked through your yard (collar optional). After all, it’s fun no matter what time of year you do it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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