Deep Thoughts

Playstation 3 is now only $299. Who gives a crap? Sticks are free.

Deep Thoughts

Met a woman today who said she didn’t like dogs. It must be hard to be a robot.

Mr. Mittens

I’m all talk. This is a blog, after all! And that means that no matter how much I trash-talk cats, I would never hurta real one. But once a fake one steps on my turf, it’s on, baby – IT’S ON!!!!

This is Mr. Mittens. Or “Monsieur Mittens” as he likes to be called. He’s got a French accent, a French attitude and a penchant for, well, just acting French! So I put him back in his place whenever he acts up. Case in point:

They're called FREEDOM FRIES, frog!

Hahaha I kid, I kid. Mittens and I are best friends – and he makes a mean mayonnaise. More adventures on the way??? Could be!

Rainy Days

Well, it’s raining cats and dogs here in Minneapolis. (Nice to see the cats actually doing something – albeit falling from the sky)  I’m chillin’ kennelside with nothing to do but chew an old knucklebone and miss the sun.

Ahh, sunshine. I love to stick my face in it! When the alphas get home from lunch, I give them the obligatory jump on the leg and then I’m out the door and into the sweet sweet rays of Mr. Samuel Sun. (Yes, the sun has a first name. And yes, it is Samuel)

Picture me rollin’ (in sunshine):

I mean seriously…

Can’t a dog just sit here and watch Frasier without someone sticking a camera in his face. Geez!

Jason’s Feet

My female alpha male’s brother-in-law is coming to town this weekend and he’s allergic to dogs. I know – that’s like the worst pox anyone could be cursed with in this world. It’s even worse than an ingrown toenail, or a presidential address right in the middle of the season finale of Scrubs!

Well there’s something about Jason’s feet that I can’t get enough of. If he’s sitting there, I get this weird urge to walk up to him and roll around all over his metatarsals. I don’t know what it is! But I just can’t get enough! I love it!

Then after a few rolls, I get told to get off Jason’s feet. It’s like something you really want but know you’ll never have. A shame, really: Me and those feet could have some fun together!

 

Possessed by feet!

Deep Thoughts

If I were a big dog, the world would seem so much smaller. And that would suck.

Michael Vick

Let me be honest here: I couldn’t give two paw licks about Michael Vick’s well-being.

He is a sick, sick man and he does not deserve to play football and be a role model for millions of dog-loving children. He deserves, quite frankly, to pick up dog poo with his bare hands for the rest of his life. Nothing more.

Unfortunately, the NFL thinks it’s a good idea to let him play football again. Sigh.

But here’s my solution. It’s a new idea for a reality show. In the show, a family of dogs lives in an opulent mansion and Michael Vick is their butler. Sort of like Mr. Belvidere but without the awesome mustache. Vick has to do whatever they say. WHATEVER they say. If he refuses… well, eye for an eye right?

The show will last for 3 million seasons. And that still won’t be enough for Michael Vick to make up for what he did.

Imdoginations

As you know, I love a good imdogination. In case you forgot, imdoginations are just like impersonations, but for dogs. Ok, so they’re not just like impersonations – mainly because they are WAY COOLER! Ok, so check out these starring yours truly, and at the end lemme know what you think. Enjoy!!

 

 

 

Mel Gibson in Signs:

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Jawa in Star Wars:

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jabba the Hutt in Star Wars:

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kate Winslet in Titanic:

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you want to see MORE IMDOGINATIONS, click here and here!!!

 

 

Boston, Minnesota

Now let me make one thing very clear: there is only ONE Bisket. My little Boston Terrier puppy love is enough to circle the world twice, but I ain’t Ol’ St. Nick – I can’t be everywhere at once! That’s why the world needs some other Boston Terriers to spread the lovin’. And until yesterday, I didn’t even know they existed.

I got into my best harness, checked it twice in the mirror and hopped into the car. I had no idea where we were going, but I could sense it was somewhere that had some dogs. And where there’s dogs, there’s usually beef-flavored treats – and you know how I feel about beef-flavored treats. Yup, about the same way I feel about chicken-flavored treats. Or lamb-flavored treats. Ok, the same way I feel about treats – period!

So eventually we got to a pleasant house on a pleasant street and went around back. It looked like any other house; smelled like any other house. So what was the big deal?????

BOSTONS! 

All over the place! So many me-looking dogs that I had to nip myself in the butt to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I couldn’t believe it. Big Bostons, little Bostons, Bostons with round heads, Bostons with droopy ears, Bostons with tails, Bostons with Southern accents, Bostons with attitude, Bostons with black fingernails, and brown Bostons!

And then the fun started…

 

Lookit all them Bostons!!!!!

 

I'd never been in a pool that deep before. But once I got in, I couldn't get enough! And I didn't even need goggles.

Soon, a foxy little dame called Ruby showed up. And the guys couldn't get enough...

 

I kept my nose to myself and played it cool with Ruby. Struck up a little conversation about how nice her nails looked; does she use a Pedi Paw?? And then...

 

We played around! I guess being the American Gentleman helps when you're picking up ladies!

 

That big guy is Bowser. It was his yard. He looks tough, but he was a great host and a helluva Mario Kart player!

 

Kirby telling me a joke. It was "What's black and white and good? Give up? Bacon that I want to eat!!!!!!" I didn't get it either, but it sounded delicious.